unironedman

I have invented a new term for the running community. It’s called Foamo. It’s a really awful play on words, and describes how just about every runner you’ve ever met will still get a little bit silly about a new pair of running shoes. And in particular, that added niggling neurosis that they are somehow missing out (hence ‘Fear of Missing Out’) by not getting a new slice of fresh foam between themselves and terra firma.

So consider this: “Most running injuries result from low-grade, repetitive strain that eventually pushes a body part past its breaking point.”

This quote is taken from https://www.runnersworld.com/health-injuries/a34863323/do-running-shoes-cause-or-prevent-injury/ and it’s a very interesting read. TL:DR? It may not be your shoes. As we are all in denial about the points made in this well-researched piece, we may read it, but that is never going to stop us from going out and shelling out big bucks on a new pair of <insert brand I swear by> in the belief that they will solve all your running injuries, get you that PB you’ve always wanted, and maybe, just maybe, bring about world peace.

So, with that all said, let me introduce you to my new runners.

They are Saucony Endorphin Speed 3. The number at the end suggests that there have been two previous iterations, but they passed me by (insert ‘slow runner’ gag here). I bought them in Run Logic, Dublin’s best little running store. Ash, who runs the place (Really? Runs? You went with ‘runs’?) has an uncanny knack of knowing what to get you. I have dubbed him The Shoe Whisperer, and describe his ability to kit you out properly in the same way Ollivander selects the wand (though I appreciate Harry Potter Uber Nerds will point out that it’s the wand that chooses the wizard…)

From a tech point of view, the Saucony Endorphin Speed 3 use PEBA foam, which is not unlike the Adidas Boost foam from several years ago. I still have my Boosts, and there’s still a little life left in them too. These new shoes also have a nylon plate in them, which acts like a rocker (and also allows me to make a tedious gag about reducing my carbon footprint). You will feel slightly propelled forward, and given that this is the normal direction we like to travel in when out running, this is no bad thing. They are also ridiculously light. 229 grams or 8.1 ounces. Indeed, when I was carrying the box home in a bag, I had to check to make sure I hadn’t actually left the shoes in the shop.

They had their first outing yesterday, when I did 8 miles. They were grand. Ultimately, the best feature about new shoes is that you put them on, go running, and forget about them. And that’s what I did. I had been out on the lash with the crew the night before, and whilst the head was a little muzzy, I fancied a half-decent run, and I made sure to send them a quick video of me out and about with the new shoes that they had funded with their very generous voucher for my retirement.

And that’s about all you need to say about new shoes. Like any new thing, you get an endorphin hit from the actual purchase. (The name of the shoe is not lost on me, either, I should add). Then you have the added ‘L’Oréal Factor’ to consider, which is to say, ‘we are so fucking worth it’. Mileage will vary wildly on this, depending on your viewpoint on things such as global warming, capitalism and just how worthy you feel to be treating yourself to such fripperies as new runners that cost as much as a weekly food shop. But if you can set that guilt aside – perhaps on the basis that running is your thing – then you do need to treat your feet every now and then.

(BTW: if you are a subscriber to the whole ‘endorphins give you a runner’s high’ theory, then check out this piece: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-truth-behind-runners-high-and-other-mental-benefits-of-running)

I will add in this photo I took during the week, on the way back from purchasing my new shoes. It goes out in solidarity to any Twitter employee who was fucked over recently in the purge following the rather ugly and very public buyout by Lord Voldemort. Well, you know the guy. The other evil wizard.

And of course, it would be wrong not to finish with dogs, so here are some dogs, in case you were missing out…