unironedman

Chariots on fire. No, that’s not a typo. I started my programme this week, and it’s trying to kill me. As an aside (who, me?), Gary wished me well for the first run of the plan, which was on Tuesday, and I pointed out that it all technically starts on Monday. With a rest day. Oh how we laughed. I’m not laughing now…

Last week’s thrilling instalment of this blog revealed that, despite having ample time to plan for the whole thing, I still managed to fumble the ball. I had a 5k plan neatly tucked away on the laptop, but when I examined it in more detail last week, I realised that, much like a politician’s promise, it was a little hazy on the details. I had found it a good few months ago and it seemed about right but if there was an accompanying page to explain some of the pace work and interval sessions, it had severed ties and I was now left with tables and columns of runs without instructions. Like a menu of ingredients but no clue as to their prep.

So at the last minute, I jumped ship and found this new one. And it’s all there. The only snag, if I was to labour the cooking and food analogy, is that I may have bitten off more than can I possibly chew.

Day One being a rest day was just the guards putting the blindfold on before the firing squad. Tuesday was the first short interval session. A 2k warm up, followed by 6 x 400m repeats at 3:30 pace. I acknowledge that non-runners passed over that without even a shrug. Runners, on the other hand, just did a passable Vicente del Bosque-style ‘oof’. And to make life more difficult for myself, I struggled with the Garmin watch in terms of setting up the actual intervals. I half-arsed it, in reality, failing to understand how to build the warm up and cool down into the actual session, nor did the watch automatically count me back in for each interval between rests. I would have thought that was the most fundamental part of the whole gig?

*BEEP* Run like a lunatic
*BEEP* okay, stop running like a lunatic, you’re scaring the kids, rest for two minutes…
*BEEP* RUN LIKE A LUNATIC AGAIN, HA HA!

And so on. But no, I had to kick in the laps myself with a press of the button. All of which points clearly to operator error. Or garbage in, garbage out, to be technical. I think I may have cracked the problem by preparing the plans on the laptop and uploading them to the watch. Time will tell. (Oh no you didn’t! ed.)

Anyway, I didn’t hit any of the targets. Of the six intervals which were supposed to be run at 3:30 pace, only half of them dipped under the 4:00 pace, the best of which was a 3:46. Quite a sobering start. If I had a tail, it would have been between my legs. (If I had a tail, I might be a dog, in which case I would pick a greyhound, and then intervals would be a doddle.) Hopefully things will improve; I did not feel particularly sprightly heading out the door. Had it not been the start of the programme, I may well have turned (my non-existent) tail and headed home straight away. Queasy. Heavy legs. Tired. But there are no medals for being a trooper.

Wednesday should have been a bread and butter 6k run in the park at a very modest 5:50 pace but for some reason, I missed that target too, with a 6:03 pace.

Thursday was never going to be a session of redemption: a 2k warm-up followed by 3 x 1k intervals at 3:55 pace. First order of business was where to run them. The canal towpath section between Louisa Bridge and Confey is ideal for shorter sessions, at a mile long. Totally flat and a hard-packed surface. But kilometre repeats? I went to the park and ran around the playing pitches, a kilometre in circumference, and all on grass. After the obligatory 2k warm-up, I headed into the first fast 1k. The target was 3:55 pace. I missed all three. A 4:11, 4:07 and 4:18.

3:55 pace is the target you would like to be hitting if you are going to break the sub-20 barrier. You don’t need to go that fast, of course, and this is the point of the plan; to get you running faster than normal (for me, anyway), and to put you well out of your comfort zone. On that score, I think we can safely say we’ve achieved that goal…

Friday was a rest day, and I was glad of it. The programme had not started well, so it was nice to reach the end of the working week and not have to run. Which for me is a rather odd thing to admit.

Saturday, and a simple 7k at 5:40 pace, my old numerical friend. Into the park, and all done in 5:33. I had turned off the auto-lap function so the watch did not beep every kilometre as per usual, which was… unusual. It may account for the slightly faster than planned pace. But damn it, a win’s a win!

Sunday’s run was the culmination of Week One. A 12k run at 5:30 pace. I am not sure what the programme’s author is thinking here, as I would have deemed this as a ‘long run’ day which would typically have a slower pace. But caveat emptor and all that, because if you actually read the programme, you can see there are no ‘slow days’ here at all. This programme was free. Buyer’s remorse, in this instance, is very much felt in the legs, and not in the wallet.

Off into the park shortly after 9am. The weather has taken a turn; overcast with a slight breeze, but no rain for now, and an ideal temperature for running. I treated my legs to a pair of super shoes, and I decided to walk up the first hill from my house into the park before I started the watch. This may account for the 5:10 first kilometre. The second was still too hot at 5:22, the target being 5:30. But I had plenty of time to correct things.

I opted to head right, and out of the park over the Liffey to see if the grand new Lucan entrance into St. Catherine’s was finally finished. And indeed it is. There is a large metal arch, the purpose of which has yet be revealed. I was rather hoping it might be an outdoor cinema screen but no; I think it may be purely ornamental. If there are any exciting updates on this, rest assured unironedman will report back.

This diversion brought me through old Lucan village and back over the Liffey again before hitting the hill at Laraghcon. Hills are unavoidable when you live and run in a valley. Still, I managed to keep the pace honest and under the target.

Out onto the canal and into the breeze. Passed a young lad with a hydration pack who looked like a bloke doing a session. Five minutes later, I stopped to take a quick pic of the first (for me) orchids of the year at a spot where I know they’ll be. He passed me again just as I tucked away the phone and got going again.

“Still going then?”, he asks.
“Yep… what are you doing today?”
“16k”
“What pace?”
“6:30… you?”
“5:30”
“Oh, that’s much faster than me! Off ya go, so!”

I love these little interactions with fellow runners. Which is why I can never understand the ones that pass you by without as much as a nod. May their laces loosen on a long run, and they get a mild case of jogger’s nipple.

Canal all the way to my place of work near Intel, and then double-back on the main road and down into the village, this time enjoying the benefits of the valley topography that I had earned earlier. I stopped the watch at 12k with an average pace of 5:22. Given the week that was in it, it was a positive note on which to finish. Indeed, I can feel myself entering into that strange twilight zone of fitness when you are on a programme. It’s an odd mix of consistent tiredness running in parallel with a feeling of great fitness. I was not out of breath after that 12k. It’s quite the thing, even if it sounds a little self-congratulatory. But to run that distance, at that pace, and then stop running, and your breathing returns to normal straight away is always amazing to me. And I suppose when you set aside all the nonsense of trying to run fast 5ks and do ultra marathons and everything in between, that is really the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Hard to say what the programme will achieve. Hopefully, at very least, a new 5k PB. Sub-20 seems a long way off. My gut reaction to week one is that if you can run 6 x 400m repeats at 3:30, and 3 x 1k repeats at 3:55, you are already a sub-20 minute 5k runner. But what do I know?

All of which allows me to segue into an article which popped up in my feed this week. Here it is. It’s from Runner’s World and features a fabulous athlete called Clare Elms. And this caught my eye as I perused the piece in work during lunchtime:

‘The only way to run fast in races is to run fast in training, but you still need endurance to be strong. It’s important to hold onto speed, which is harder as we get older’

Lots of good stuff in there, especially for the older athlete. Clare is 62, and took up running in later life. She has a 5k PB of 17:48 and a 2:53 marathon.

Commiserations to Arsenal, who managed to stifle the usually ebullient Paris St. Germain in the Champions League final. And even threatened to win the thing, having gone a goal up early in the game. But alas, it went to dreaded penalty kicks, and two of the Gunners players failed the fundamental rule of penalties, and that is you must at very least hit the target. My brother and his four offspring were all watching. Indeed, I think he and the three lads had gathered outside the Arsenal stadium and watched the game in a nearby pub, from what I can tell.

Well done to this chap who has achieved the amazing 1,000 run milestone at parkrun. Here’s a nice accompanying piece from the Beeb.

One last piece of advice: when you open up a fresh yoghurt, there is always a slightly thicker deposit around the edges. Now is the time to scoop this all out into the bowl and eat it. Don’t leave it ’til the next time. It won’t get any more appetising. This probably sounds more profound in Mandarin Chinese but it’s a life lesson for us all. Next week, I’ll tell you what to do with the foil lid…